Hello Reader,

Last time I threatened to tell you some Coyote stories. I even dropped a hint that a flying vagina or two might be involved. You can read that post here if you like.

Well. No sense beating around the bush. Let's get to it.

This particular story I got from the fantastic book Coyote America: A Natural and Supernatural History by Dan Flores. I've taken out all the good parts and paraphrased his eloquent prose with my own barely intelligible vernacular. Enjoy.

As supernatural helper to the Creator, it was Coyote who put the stars in the sky and built the mountains by scooping up handfuls of mud from the ocean floor. It was Coyote who gave us the four seasons, put the fish in the rivers, and made the land safe for humans by banishing the cannibals and defeating monster after monster that would do humans wrong.

But after all that, when he was trotting along one day, he met a handsome human warrior and asked him where he was going.

"To war! I go to vanquish my enemies!"

"Then I'd better go with you," Coyote replied. "Since I'm something of a warrior myself and you're going to need my help."

So he followed the young warrior. The first night they camped at a place called "Scalped Man by the Fire." In the middle of the night, Coyote woke to find Scalped Man standing over him in the dark. Coyote swung his club and hit his own knee. He howled, Scalped Man disappeared, and the warrior woke up.

"What happened?"

"I took care of Scalped Man," Coyote said. "You can go back to sleep."

The next day, Coyote had a hard time keeping up to the warrior because his knee hurt. But he was overjoyed when he limped into camp at a place called "Cooked Meat Flying All Around." As they sat and plucked meat out of the air and filled their bellies, the warrior said, "Tomorrow we camp at a place called 'Where Arrows Fly Around'."

Coyote lagged behind the next day. He was in no hurry to get to camp. As soon as he arrived, arrows began to fly all around them.

The warrior stood up and plucked arrow after arrow out of the air while Coyote twisted on the ground trying to avoid them. When one grazed his arm, he shouted, "I have been killed!"

The warrior pulled Coyote to his feet. Realizing that he was not all that injured, Coyote said, "Actually, I just fell asleep because my knee was hurting. I must have had a bad dream."

The next day Coyote's knee didn't seem to bother him at all, for he had been told they would camp at "Where the Women Visit the Men." That night a woman did come to him, but he decided she was an old crone and he sent her away. But as she turned from him he saw that she was indeed young and beautiful. He called out to her to return for it was some spirit who had told her to leave. It wasn't him! She vanished into the night.

Then they camped at "War Clubs Flying Around." Sure enough, clubs hurtled out of the darkness at them from all directions. The warrior caught two while Coyote ducked and weaved and finally got knocked unconscious by one. When he came to he said he had fallen asleep because he was so bored.

"Well, you won't be bored tomorrow," the warrior said. "For we will camp at Vaginas Flying Around."

"Why wait? Let's leave now," Coyote said.

But the warrior fell asleep. Coyote spent the night sitting at the fire thinking of vaginas and how many he might be able to carry with him.

The next night, hundreds of vaginas suddenly sailed into camp. They whizzed all around and Coyote ran in every direction trying to capture one. He flailed and lunged and chased all night long but they remained forever out of reach. Finally, just before dawn, he managed to catch one. Exhausted and panting, with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, he tried to mount it but he was so exhausted his own organ failed to rise to the occasion. The vagina flew away.

The next day, when the warrior told Coyote they would camp at "Where the Enemy Attacks," Coyote's knee began hurting so much he limped along all day and cried piteously.

At dawn the next day the enemy attacked. Hundreds of them. The warrior fought them all off while Coyote ran away. When the warrior found Coyote he was laying on the ground beaten and scalped. He helped Coyote up off the ground.

"I will be going along now," Coyote said. "Be thankful you had my help for as long as you did."

And with a sidelong glance at the warrior, Coyote trotted away.

Think I'd best be going along now too. Take care out there my friends...

Dan

​https://books.danredwater.com/​

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